The Official Website of
No, not that Michael Williams. This one.
The internet contains approximately 847,000 Michael Williamses. You have found the correct one — a Southern California original, devoted father, seasoned trivia strategist, and proud veteran of multiple chili cookoffs.
*Self-titled
The Origin Story
Born sometime in the late 1960s — in what historians now refer to as “a simpler time” — Michael Williams has spent the better part of six decades perfecting the art of showing up, smiling big, and never, under any circumstances, missing St. Patrick's Day.
A proud son of Southern California, Michael is child number five of ten Williams siblings — a number that sounds made up but is, in fact, completely true. He navigated childhood with the grace of someone who understood early on that having nine brothers and sisters means you either develop a great sense of humor or you don't survive.
Today, Michael is perhaps best known as the father of Georgia Williams — actual chef, culinary school graduate, and the reason this website exists in the shadow of a better one. He accepts this with dignity and a margarita dispensed from the Rita 2000, his greatest invention and a certified Manvention™.
When he is not competing at the Silky Sullivan's chili cookoff in Fountain Valley with his brothers, going out for trivia nights, or destroying the girls' team at holiday Trivial Pursuit, Michael can be found on a golf course in Orange County — drinking more beers than he is technically playing golf, which he considers a valid strategy.
He also invented Beercuzzi Day — celebrated on the second Saturday of August every year — which involves sitting in a jacuzzi or pool with friends, family, and a cold beer. He did not need anyone's permission for this. He simply declared it a holiday. It is now a holiday.
Circa 1969. Before the gray. Before the glasses.
The smile, however, has always been operational.
Filed by a Sister
The following is a sworn statement submitted by a sibling with firsthand, decades-long experience. It has been lightly edited for the public record. She is a giver like that.
5 Documented Counts
Sporting bad mustaches — real and fake. There is no in-between.
Wearing matching clothes with his brothers, including — and especially — bad Hawaiian shirts.
Wearing bad hats. HAT. You know what that means. Just look at the photos.
Stealing salt & pepper shakers from restaurants. And allegedly, one lamp.
Putting hot sauce in his sisters' purses at bars, then yelling "Security" or "Gold Team Swarm" into his wrist as they leave. His sisters personally hate this one.
10 Verified Instances
FEED a cold AND feed a fever — because food makes everything better and we should never starve anything.
Everything tastes better with bacon. Especially Bloody Marys.
Live sports games in the middle of the workweek are ALWAYS more fun.
Margaritas are best served in a 5-gallon Igloo cooler. He calls it the Rita 2000.
Taking control of the jukebox at a bar from your phone and picking bad songs while other people are standing next to it — IS funny.
We can NEVER have too many tacos.
Ordering food not on the menu so the restaurant will start serving it is GENIUS. Sliders and bringing back turtle pie at Silky's — verified.
Ordering multiple appetizers from the left side of the menu and sharing is WAY better than a single entrée.
Waiting for everyone else to order so you can say "Me too" to whatever someone else picked. Also very smart.
ALL drinks taste better served with an umbrella.
“You are a Good Time… just ask you. Life would not be the same without you. Thank you for making every moment so memorable and fun, and for making my life better just by being in it.”
— His Sister (Not Mary)
A Distinguished Career
A curated collection of Michael Williams' most distinguished accomplishments, presented here with the gravity they deserve.
Big Texan Steak Ranch, circa 2007
72 oz. Time limit: 60 minutes. Time remaining on clock: 20:54. Result: Did not finish. Dignity: Fully intact. He enjoyed the rest of it at a completely normal human pace and has zero regrets.
Silky Sullivan's, Fountain Valley, CA — Multiple Seasons
Michael enters the annual chili cookoff at Silky Sullivan's alongside his brothers Damian and Rambo — each making their own chili, each convinced theirs is best. His entry: Dragon's Breath Chili. That's him on the right, wearing the gold medal around his neck. First place. The gold medal is earned.
Rock Hill, SC Family Reunion
At the Williams Family Reunion in Rock Hill, SC, Michael and his team — operating under the name The Brain Trust — took on all comers. The team name was chosen with confidence. The results are not being disclosed at this time.
Irvine, CA — Patent Pending (Spiritually)
Behold the world's greatest margarita machine: a DeWalt cooler mounted on diamond-plate steel with a dedicated spigot for maximum dispensing efficiency. Built by hand. Tested extensively. The Rita 2000 is not just a machine — it is a philosophy.
St. Patrick's Day — Every. Single. Year.
There is no evidence Michael has ever missed a St. Patrick's Day. Pictured with his mother — a true saint who raised ten children and still shows up for green beer — and the rest of the family. The green beer is non-negotiable. His mother's patience is legendary.
Various Orange County courses, ongoing
Michael golfs. He also drinks beers. On the golf course, the beers consistently outnumber the strokes — which he considers a personal achievement. The scorecard is private. The cooler is not.
The Evidence
Before the gray. Before the beard. Same energy.
August 2001. Beach trip with the guys. The gray had not yet arrived. The smile had always been there.
Disneyland, July 16, 2003. The kids were thrilled. He was managing. Everyone got wet. Memories were made.
Myrtle Beach, 2004. The Williams clan descends on the Atlantic coast. He is the handsome one in the front.
February 5, 2011. A milestone occasion. Good company, good porch, good times. The math is left as an exercise for the reader.
Documented evidence of excellent parenting.
Matching Williams/Georgia sweatshirts. This was Georgia's idea. He was completely, one hundred percent, absolutely thrilled about it.
Star Wars night at the movies. He wore the Millennium Falcon shirt because he is teaching Georgia — an actual trained chef — what really matters in this world.
OC Fair Margarita Festival, 2025. Parenting looks different after 21. He calls this 'research.' Georgia seems fine with it.
February 2026. Date night. Georgia's choice of venue, obviously. He wore the fish shirt. She did not veto it.
A man fully committed to showing up.
St. Patrick's Day 2025. Green beer. Every year. No exceptions. He has never missed one. Pictured with his brother Damian, who also has never missed one.
St. Patrick's Day 2026. The family assembles. The green beer arrives. All is right with the world.
Christmas 2021. He owns three Santa hats. This is the fancy one. His opinion on this is firm.
Fourth of July 2024. The face on the shirt is his sister Mary. His niece Cheryl is actually in the photo — yes, a real human being is standing right there. Please look at her. He made the shirt himself. This is not considered unusual.
Pool day at sister Mary and BIL Mike Ross's place, August 2023. They have the best pool. He attends regularly and enthusiastically.
Golf, September 2025. The beers on this outing outnumbered the strokes. He is comfortable with this.
The Rottweilers. The real bosses.
Morning walk, October 2020. His Rottweiler. Non-judgmental. Excellent listener. Significantly more enthusiastic about 6am than Michael is.
October 2021. Walking his two Rottweilers, Brie and Ella, simultaneously. They are in charge. He is aware of this.
February 2025. His two Rottweilers, Brie and Ella, in the car. They requested the window seats. He obliged.
The Extended Universe
Michael Williams does not exist in a vacuum. He exists in a large, loud, deeply entertaining family. They each have their own websites. This is apparently a thing the Williams family does.
His Finest Achievement
Culinary school graduate, working chef, dog whisperer, and the reason he showed up at the movies in a Millennium Falcon shirt. Her website is objectively better than this one. He accepts this.
Visit Georgia's Site →
His Sister. It's Complicated.
One of Michael's nine siblings. The subject of a whole website dedicated to her particular brand of drama. The title is affectionate. Mostly.
Visit Mary's Site →The Williams Family
Robert R. Williams and his extraordinary brood — ten children, countless grandchildren, and one very active family newsletter. Reunion: July 17, 2026, Rock Hill, SC. Mark your calendar.
Visit the Family Site →Get In Touch
Have a question? Want to challenge him to a chili cookoff? Go ahead. He'll get back to you when he's done with the Rita 2000.